JackStrong

I realized it’s been a while since I last posted. I’ve been busy with life: work, school, etc.

Today I felt the need to share this with you. Click here to learn about little Jack. Please lift him up with your prayers.

It’s so sad to see him go through this. He’s in Kindergarten at a school my mom used to teach at. I watched him and his sister Ella a few summers ago. He is a boy with a love for family and sports. He loved to play with Ella and I as we made clothes for Barbies with Play-Doh. It’s insane how well you remember one night when things like this happen.

I cannot imagine going through what his family is enduring.

Prayers for Jack and his family are greatly appreciated.

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Strange Ways

So – I know I hinted about a post about my bridal shower for today, but I just have to share something else instead. It popped up and I can’t help but tell you all.

Yesterday I found out my nanny job will be ending a week earlier than originally anticipated-meaning this is my last week with the boys. After finding this out, I had some mixed feelings. I have really struggled at this job honestly, but at the same time I am really enjoying it (plus the pay is good). I immediately Facebook messaged my GM at Pizza Ranch and let her know I could pick up some shifts for next week, so hopefully I can still make some money that week.

This morning on my way to work, I was waiting at a stoplight. Driving the ’94 Toyota Camry is always an adventure – it purrs when you’re stopped. Today the purrs were going and then they changed and the RPM gauge changed quickly. Then she died. Thank goodness the light didn’t change that second. I immediately put on my hazards and called my dad. I tried waving the people behind me around so that they wouldn’t just sit there, too bad no one caught on. My dad arrived in about 5 minutes (I think). He and two guys from church pushed the car to the nearby parking lot. Thankfully no one had anything on the calendar for today, because I’m sitting here at work with the van in the driveway.

My family can’t afford a new car. We’ve never bought new vehicles-only ever used. The Camry used to be my grandparents and we bought from them. My family is in the middle of trying to buy a house in Portage, where they are moving. So car payments can’t really be added on right now.

God works in some really strange ways; but I’m thinking me not working at my nanny job next week was a way to help us get through only having one car for a bit. Katherine and I can both be dropped off at Pizza Ranch, or Trevor can help out with rides. My mom works from home and doesn’t have any doctor appointments coming up for a bit. My dad works across the street. While the situation of only having one car isn’t ideal-we’ll figure it out. God’s already got it in our plans, and we’ll be okay.

These Children

I am having quite a hard time at my summer job as nanny so far.

I watched the twins two summers ago and they loved me. They got along great and listened to me super well.

This summer, that isn’t true. I’m not just watching the twins, I’m also watching their younger brother. He seems to bring out the bad and mischievous nature in them.

Pretty much all of my texts and Snapchats while I’m working are about how these kids are making me have a quarter life crisis about whether or not I actually want kids or to become a teacher…

Maybe I’m just not meant to be a nanny – or to have three kids.

So what’s my new game plan for the rest of my life? Who knows… Maybe put off having kids for longer than I originally thought. Maybe just work in a daycare in an infant room. Maybe skip the education field entirely and become a Caribou barista. Who knows…

Cut Deep

Sometimes life really annoys me. 

Living at home this summer will be the ultimate test of self-control for me. Honestly it’s driving me crazy so far. My mom has been the driving force behind that crazy. 

I really wish I would have stayed in St. Paul for the summer. 

Being back here, I’m realizing some of the more probable causes for my self harm issues in high school. I don’t think it was for many of the reasons I had suspected. I know I didn’t handle my emotions 100% properly, but when your own mother is the root cause for emotional distress I think there’s a bigger issue. Sometimes I wonder if this is what emotional abuse is like. I’m glad high school is two years behind me and that I’ve been able to distance myself from a lot of the past hurt, but it’s hard to not feel similarly while I’m home. It hurts being home and knowing everything stupid I’ve done in my bedroom and for the reasons I did them. 

I know my goal of this blog is to stay positive, so here’s a little twist. 

While I’m incredibly frustrated with living at home and the expectations placed on me, I know I have less than two months left living there. Also, my nanny job began Monday – which means I spend 36 hours a week with three awesome, yet incredibly frustrating boys. I get to be away from my own house for those hours and spend time with these cool guys.  

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This summer has been full of reflection and thought. It has also been full of hope and excitement. We’ll have to see what else it will be filled with. 

June

Wow – it is June already! How can that be?

It amazes me how insanely quickly this year has been going by. Will life always continue on this quickly?

I have less than two months until Trevor and I get married! I cannot wait until that day comes, however, there is so much left to do. I just keep saying, ‘wow’ about it all.

This month will be crazy alone. I begin nannying the boys on Monday. I’ll be watching twin 8-year-olds boys and their 5-year-old brother. I will spend a lot of time this summer with them: 7am-4pm Mondays through Thursdays. 36 hours a week until the third week in July. The family is being kind enough to accommodate accordingly to wedding plans and has another sitter lined up for the rest of the summer. I am excited to see the boys again and see how much they have grown!

Here’s to an awesome month of June!