Summer 2017 has been breathtaking, stunning, memorable, and so many other things.
I wish I could put all of it into words, but I really don’t think I can. I mean, how do you explain everything you’ve experienced when you visited so many places and when you’ve created so many memories with your best friend.
I thought the summer that Trevor and I got married would be the best summer of my life. Don’t get me wrong, that summer had so many amazing things going for it, but this one tops it. We worked through struggle and this summer was a celebration of conquering hard things in our life together. Despite all of the ick going on early in our marriage, we got to feel some of the most amazing feelings in the world this summer. We felt a heck of a lot of love. We felt a pulse for adventure and a spirit of exploring. We pushed ourselves out of our comfort zones and found something even more miraculous. We focused on our marriage in ways we didn’t know was possible.
While I don’t think many future events will top this summer’s adventures, I can’t wait to see what is ahead and how I’ll be proved wrong in this way.
(Psst… Hoping to write about Portland soon-ish, but we’ll see…)
As many of you know, I have struggled off and on with anxiety and self harm issues since freshman year of high school. I would love to be telling you now that I have found the magic secret of how to make it all better – but I’m not. I’m telling you I still struggle a lot with these things (not always following through but with the thoughts) and how it’s affected my marriage.
I first told Trevor about my anxiety and self harm issues the day after we started dating. We were walking around downtown Green Bay and we walked past where I was seeing a counselor. I immediately felt the need to tell him what was going on in that area of my life and in that moment I knew I would trust him more than anyone before. It was a big deal for me to spill this information so early on and feel completely open talking about it. I felt a huge sense of relief telling him and thought that this initial step would allow for open communication about the topic in the future – which unfortunately I was wrong about.
The topic anxiety and self harm and mental illness are considered taboo and too few people are willing to talk about the topic. There is a huge stigma developed around mental illness, and this is making it harder for individuals to find the treatment they need or to talk to their loved ones about it. This breaks my heart, knowing that often times the source of their mental illness is a chemical imbalance they’re born with – not simply “moodiness” as a lot of the world sees it.
The mix of love and anxiety is hard. Trevor and I have been married for just over a year – and I feel that a lot of the things that cause fights or disagreements stem from my anxiety. This is hard for me to face. I know I want and need better control over my anxiety and seeing a counselor again is certainly on my to do list, but here are a few things I have observed from Trevor’s end.
Loving someone with anxiety means holding them when they shake with fear from the awful thoughts that cross their mind for no reason.
Loving someone with anxiety means wiping away the tears that may not make any sense or have been caused by anything.
Loving someone with anxiety means saying just the right thing when it all passes.
Loving someone with anxiety means staying by their side when they struggle to fall asleep.
Loving someone with anxiety means trying to understand mental illness – even though it can be impossible to explain.
Loving someone with anxiety means accepting the apology and giving forgiveness, even though the apology often isn’t given right away.
Loving someone with self harm issues means telling them and making them stop rubbing their wrist when those thoughts cross their mind.
This is obviously not an inclusive list – but I feel it sums up my relationship with Trevor and the many ways he shows his love to me when I am struggling.
I would love to hear your thoughts on what it means to or how you have seen someone love you if you struggle with anxiety or mental illness. Feel free to comment below or send me a message.
So… I meant for this to get posted on our actual anniversary (August 2), but that didn’t happen and now it’s almost a whole week later. But Trevor and I have been married for a whole year.
I honestly cannot believe it has gone by so incredibly quickly. And I can say nothing but amazing things about being married to Trevor. He is gentle, kind, handsome, joyful, and so many other things. It’s honestly hard to put into words all of the wonderful things he has taught me this past year – but I’ll get to those in a different post.
So the first year anniversary gift is supposed to involve paper. We originally said we were not going to care for the themes or whatnot – but we actually followed it unintentionally! I was really lame and just wrote T a letter in my fanciest (and yet still pitiful) calligraphy about this past year. He, however, was super awesome and went above and beyond and bought me (us) two beautiful engineer prints through Parabo Press and some skeleton clips. We have yet to hang them – but I cannot wait to do so!
Any who, year one was crazy. We laughed, we cried, we loved, we fought, we made so many memories. And now we’ve made it through a whole year of each other’s nonsense!
Trev, I love you – and I cannot wait for our story to continue to unfold.
Trevor and I had church and then after that, I went nonstop until about 7 pm.
My best friend (and favorite guest poster), Ana, had her bridal shower! I was oh so glad that her shower aligned with when I would be in town so that I could make it. Seriously, she is such a gem and her friendship means so much to me. It means the world to me that she has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids!
Her and her family hosted the most lovely shower ever. Granted I have only now been to two showers (hers and my own), she has set high standards for showers to come! They served brunch and cake, we played games, and the bride and groom unwrapped their many gifts. I even won a prize – a beautiful, handmade ornament! Based on my own shower, I was expecting it to be a small, and intimate affair – however it was a full house! I wish we could have had more time to talk and catch up, but I guess that means we will have to see each other again before I return to Minnesota.
After Ana’s wonderful shower, I had a wedding to rush to! Unfortunately I could not make it to the ceremony, due to time conflicts with the shower. But I picked Trevor up and we made it to the reception in time for a delicious brunch-themed dinner. The reception was at one of my favorite parks in Green Bay and was one of the venues Trevor and I had looked at for our own wedding. It is absolutely beautiful! Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Kaczmarek!
Here are some of the pictures I took at Whitney and Ryan’s beautiful winter wedding.
I was so glad to see my sister (as pictured in the two pictures above) – it had been since October since we last seen each other!
And it just wouldn’t be a wedding without an attempt of a cute picture of me and the hubby, right?!
I hope your Sunday was filled with as much love as mine was!
My mom arrived at CSP at around 1 pm on Friday (5/8) to help me move stuff into the van to trek home. We made a stop at Noodles for lunch and then headed to my storage facility to throw a few things in that I would not need over the summer. While we were there I got a call form Pizza Ranch. It was one of my managers asking if I was at work already, if not I should just come in around 5. I called back immediately and told them I wasn’t even in the right state, let alone home to get to work in time. Apparently, the scheduler misread my message about when I’d be able to start working again.
When I did get home, around 8:45 pm, we got all of my things unpacked. I then chatted it up with Katherine for a bit as she filled me in on her trip to Greece and Rome over Spring Break. She bought me a beautiful dress and a pair of knock-off Ray Bans as souvenirs!
After our chat, I headed to Pizza Ranch to surprise Trevor. It was such a great moment. We hadn’t seen each other in about a week and a half. Being reunited after not seeing each other for a while or being able to talk much is one of my favorite things about being in a relationship. It makes you cherish your time together so much more and you’re more excited to see each other. I did feel kind of scandalous kissing at Pizza Ranch though…
Trevor and I had originally scheduled a date for Saturday to go see Avengers: Age of Ultron and get lunch after. However, since my start date was misunderstood-I was scheduled to work Saturday 10-4. So we made a spur of the moment plan to see it Friday night at 10:30. *Flashback* I think I saw the 10:30 showing of the first Avengers with my first bf, that was our first date-and I fell asleep during it. This time I didn’t fall asleep though!
It was so nice to be able to spend some time together after not seeing each other for a while. Being apart made me not miss the days of being in a long distance relationship at all.
Summer 2015 has officially begun! It will be filled with nannying the Schlies boys, working at Pizza Ranch, planning a wedding, going to the gym, and a lot of fun! (Now if only the weather would cooperate…)