Life is hard.
It seems like lately that is all I can think about. It scares me thinking about next year, and that’s all I do lately-imagine the future. Next year I’ll be married (which I cannot wait for). I will be taking 21 credits fall semester. I will have to be working a lot to pay rent. I will have insurance to pay for. There are so many expenses ahead. The thought of them all makes me feel so small and scared.
I have never been one to handle stress particularly well, and sometimes it has ended poorly. I have been working on improving my stress management, but today has been particularly hard. Trevor and I still do not know where we’re living next year. I have a presentation tomorrow that I have been working on all day. There is so much going on right now. So much to have to do.
How can I do it all? Is it even possible? Why do I bother trying anymore? Will anyone care if I stop caring about everything? I’m on the verge of going backwards through all of my progress. My only motivation is to not have visible scars on my wedding day. I think that’s the only thing keeping me sane right now actually.
I got a tattoo the summer after my senior year of high school. My parents weren’t (and still aren’t) too fond of it, but it’s one of the few things that keeps my head on straight in some of these situations. My tattoo is “Romans 12:12.” The verse reads,
Rejoice in hope. Be patient in tribulation. Be constant in prayer.
I mumble it to myself in these hard and stressful times. I may really suck at being patient, but I can always pray. I thank God (not enough) for the ability to talk to Him and that He listens to me. He’s here for me when no one else is; when I feel completely alone in my stress.
God is so good.